Resilience

I have been pondering resilience for a while now, specifically working to build it in my children.  The fact is, life is often not very nice.  We cannot control the way other people speak or behave, what we do have control over is our response to this.  Basically, because some parents fail at the kindness lesson, I need to help mine gain skills of resilience, so they are not crushed by those others.

I read this in the SMH this morning, and it more or less confirmed what I thought, though it goes quite a lot further.  Are children getting "soft"?  Does all our reassuring, and shielding really produce more confident children, or are we creating a generation that will crumble at the first sign of hardship?

Being kind of a control freak, letting my children make mistakes and learn from them has not been easy.  And I've probably failed a lot of the time, though I am making an effort to rectify the errors of the past, and they can now all light their own birthday candles, crack eggs and peel and chop vegetables.  I should probably work on ironing next.

Looking at this, I think there are two types of resilience that need to be formed - emotional and practical.  Our children must learn that life can be uncomfortable, and that people are sneaky, conniving and unkind, not all of them all the time, but most of them some of the time, and this must somehow be dealt with.  The trickiest bit is helping them respond to the bad stuff - calling the bullies on their actions without diminishing themselves by responding in kind.  I don't think I've had enough practice myself to be honest, but I have to lead the charge on this one, and propel them towards their adult lives as functioning citizens who can not only take care of their own stuff, do their own hair, feed and clean themselves, but also navigate the uncomfortable emotions associated with failing.  Because they cannot be cushioned from that inevitability forever.