We just celebrated 25 years of marriage. It sounds like such a long time, impossibly long to be doing the same thing, with the same person, but I don't want to change it. I recently met up with a friend who shared that her marriage had ended last year. Her husband, ex husband I guess he is now, has told her that he thinks his life is lived in 24 year cycles, and her share of that is now complete, and he must move to the next thing. He repeated this to his 3 daughters, which seems a massively insensitive thing to say to those three young women. As if they no longer belonged in his life, because he'd started his new "cycle". And if he was going to have a stupid cycle, why could he not have a nice tidy 25 year one? A much neater number.
For our anniversary we went to the Gold Coast. I had this vague, snobby little voice in my head shouting at me that going to the Gold Coast is a bogan kind of choice, but fortunately, I suppressed that, and we went anyway, and it was completely delightful. We stayed in Broadbeach at a place called Oceanview Resort. Walking into our twelfth floor flat, everything felt clean and white and peaceful. Even our teenage daughters couldn't come between me and that immediate sense of peace. It was utterly tranquil. The ocean was blue, the grass was green, the sky was high and wide, with wisps of white cloud floating serenely. The bed! Kingsize, pillowtop, glorious. We spent our time walking the block to the beach, or in the resort swimming pool. No pressure to go the theme parks, because the girls don't like rides, such a win.
I could feel myself sinking into a state of relaxation that I rarely achieve. We spent 10 days away from home close to Christmas, first housesitting for my brother, then staying with my parents. Those ten days had me wound up like a spring - I came home and spent the next week recovering from that, and there were plenty of beach and swimming and activities that should have been delightful, but they were outweighed by not being able to shower everyday (because the enviro- septic system would overflow and stink up the paddock with the effluent it hadn't digested properly), and not knowing which light switch to use (the one behind the fridge, and if the fridge is blocking it, well just move it but DON'T knock the television off the top of it). The pressure of constantly being on guard for 6 people, trying to stop them saying or doing anything that might cause an eruption was exhausting. I know better than to put us through it, but did it anyway, hoping it would be ok. Nup. Also, meals had to be eaten strictly on time, and the television was left on, and shush don't talk I'm listening. No wonder I left home at 17.
So I came home and showered three times a day, put my airconditioning on when I got hot instead of strictly at 5pm, and stood in front of my fridge with the door open, contemplating what to eat for as long as I wanted to. I don't function according to a timetable, especially one set by someone else.
So in Broadbeach, we ate out a lot, and when we ate in, we had things like croissants and steaks and avocado. I didn't do any clothes washing. I got up when I wanted, I had the airconditioning going all day. I swam in a warm ocean, and drank nice coffee. I also showered as often as I wanted to. We lazed by the pool, and just hung out together. I realised how much I love my husband and my daughters, and how lovely it is to spend time together. The girls told us how much they were enjoying themselves, they thanked us for taking them, and for the fun we had. We laughed. Life was pretty good. and it was a good reminder that, mostly it is pretty good. We've had enough crises that I am well aware of how important it is to acknowledge the really good stuff. Even if the really good stuff is as simple as eating a good steak, or sharing a joke on a dark street walking back to the resort after a trip to Cold Rock.
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