25 years is a long time to do anything. Even living 25 years seemed quite an achievement at the time, I was still close to that 15 year old self who thought anyone over 30 was well past it, and I knew I was really edging up there.
I can look back and laugh at my younger self and her silly notions, but I still think twenty five years is quite a long time. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary. Apparently that makes it a Silver Anniversary, which sounds impossibly grown up and kind of old. Silver. Crazy.
It hasn't been 25 years of smooth sailing by any means. I'm far too temperamental for that to be the case. One of my new years resolutions this year was to always use a nice voice to my infinitely patient husband, who can't bear a certain tone in my voice, that bit of snark that creeps in, that sarcasm that is just a bit nasty, and which I am ashamed of. I am conscious that since the Making of The Resolution, I have failed on at least one occasion (where I made a mental note of it, and urged myself to do better). However it is only the 18th of January, and I am on holidays, sleeping in, playing games, creating, I should be less snarky right now, the real test will be February, when school goes back, and I have to be prepared every morning for the unknown. The house will get messy, and the lawn will grow too long, and it will still be hot, and the girls will both be navigating the high school environment, and there will be tensions and pressures that don't exist in lovely January. So we'll just see how that goes.
I was thinking this morning about the remarkable achievement of staying married for such a long time, year after year, and it seems amazing, particularly in light of the fact that I have a low threshold for boredom. I get bored doing the same thing over and over, I am a casual teacher, which means I get to go to new places and meet new people all the time. I don't like to eat the same thing 2 nights in a row. I move the furniture around all the time, because I get bored. How have I stayed committed to the one man for so long? It's nothing short of a miracle.
Do I have any advice for this? I probably should. I would say -
* have things that you like to do together, but also things that you do separately. You don't have to live in each others pockets.
* don't make decisions when you are angry. Let the anger dissipate, give yourself time and space to think before you do anything hasty
* talk. Always talk about stuff
* Look for the best in your partner, and let go of the small stuff
* eat together regularly
* don't expect it to be perfect, it won't be
* be respectful
I don't know it all seems like common sense, not magic. I think, attention spans and boredom thresholds aside, I'm very stubborn. Which makes me difficult in some ways, but it means I don't give up easily. Also, we got married quite young, and there were so many people convinced we wouldn't last, because how could we possibly now our silly young minds at that age, and I was hell bent on proving them wrong.
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